LOVE IS
Love is generous, fun, creative, fluid, unconditional, contagious, abundant, spiritual, joyful, and free.
What’s love to you?
In this world where women outnumber men, where divorce rates are high and people valuing things more than other humans it’s so refreshing to witness couples that are in healthy relationships. Especially, young black couples. That’s what I experience when I look at my own daughter, Destiny and her boyfriend Reggie.
Destiny wasn’t raised by her dad. The only man that was present in her life was my ex-husband and that was for about 7 years; when we divorced that meant my children too. She’s twenty six now. Some believe that growing up without a dad, can shape who you are. That belief generally has a negative connotation. They say girls are more likely to have low self-esteem, struggles with relationships, and end up pregnant early. I know that I didn’t grow up with my dad, and like my daughters had a step dad for a short period of time. Eventually wasn’t raised by my mom either. All of it had an adverse effect on me, until I chose for it not to. My daughters had a different experience because I am present and take an active role in their lives. They got to be loved, give love and learn early that things are perfectly imperfect. Growing up they were able to see me work through challenges in my relationships whether with a man, siblings, or friends. They learned that communication is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. My children may even say I over communicate. It’s important for me to have them experience my vulnerability, to admit when I could have made a different choice and to ask for forgiveness. I’ve asked for forgiveness a number of times. Love is forgiveness too.
Do you see my baby in all her black girl magic and that chocolate melanin? She certainly doesn’t lack in the self-esteem area. She holds herself in high regards.
It’s no surprise to me that she and Reggie are going strong five years later, after meeting in college. They both have service oriented professions. Destiny’s a kindergarten teacher and Reggie’s a Diversity and Inclusion Specialist. I adore watching their bond which is truly build on a friendship. They are both very clear on who they are as individuals. They are young black, educated and confident. Their love is based upon what is and what they can create together and separately; not what is lacking. I watch them challenge each other, I’ve seen them fuss; and I see them having fun, whether it’s planning their brunches, concerts, international vacations, career moves, or creating their relationship Instagram page and blog (Coming soon).
Love is knowing there’s more than one way to be an example to our children even in in the absence of a dad. Not having a dad in one’s life doesn’t define who they are or what they get to do. They have full autonomy over their lives, with our guidance of course. And I say Destiny & Reggie are doing the damn thing.
Please follow Destiny and Reggie’s Instagram ChocolatebNature where everything is #Choco-LIT!
Keisha "Kiki" Orr
In all matters give thanks.
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