MR. MATCH

Met my Ex-Husband: February, 2002.

Married: May, 2004.

Birth Child: January, 2006.

Separated: September, 2009.

Divorced: October, 2016.

My ex-husband and our relationship happened relatively fast, we met and within months we were cohabiting and he was serving as a stepdad to my two oldest daughters. The concept of dating was new to me.   When I was growing up there wasn't much dating happening at least in the traditional sense i.e. courting. If a man showed interest and you reciprocated you were boyfriend and girlfriend, that was that. Life was so simple then.

After separating from my ex-husband I spent close to two years reflecting on what worked and what didn't ultimately preparing myself for the next relationship. When I finally was ready to date it seemed the game had changed, people were now meeting each other online. If I were to get me a man, I needed to get with the times, and I did. I registered for Ok Cupid, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Black People Meet, Match, you name it I was on it. My dating career started 2012 - 2017. I refer to it as a career because in order to be successful you needed to put in the hours. Five years, countless of text messages, revision of my dating profile, getting on/off the sites so I could try the old fashion way i.e. meeting someone by happenstance, numerous face to face dates, and nothing stuck. By sticking I mean, I never made it past three months with anyone. I came really close once and right around the third month, I called it quits. We weren't on the same page, and I was unwilling to pretend otherwise for the sake of just being in a relationship.

During my five year dating career which wasn't consistent, because after all there were other things I needed to tend to in life. And there were moments when I was engaging with the dating process as a task, a daunting one. I needed and took breaks throughout and kept working on me, which included spiritual work, de-cluttering my home, improving my finances, conducting workshops, being celibate, and dating myself. I really needed to change my perspective. There was a time I thought the man that I wanted wouldn't want me, because I had three children, by three different men and that made me undesirable, I thought myself too old, and not successful enough, and that I was destined to be alone. It seems dramatic Im sure, and when you're on a journey and coming up short its hard to not see it as your shortcomings.

Those moments of reflection got me to see that it was time for a new belief about myself. The new belief that I began to have required me to experience myself as whole, as a women with clarity, and forgiven for any role I had in the marriage coming to an end.

I got clear about what type of man I wanted, so much so, I wrote down everything I wanted from his mental, physical, and spiritual traits. I started choosing from a a place of abundance. Seeing myself for who I am: smart, engaging, sexy, fun, creative educated, loving, generous, and an asset to any relationship I'm in. I began to choose them as much as they as they got to choose me. Talk about getting my power back. I also let go of holding this three month period as a measure of success, it became more about the process of dating and having fun. The quality of men that I attracted got better and I was getting closer and closer to my Mr. I could feel it.

I'm please to share that I've met someone on Match. I refer to him as Mr. Match. We've been exclusive for about five month, which is a milestone for me and again not at all the measurement of success, yet noteworthy. I'm learning so much about myself in this relationship; and nope it hasn't been a cake walk and so far we're solid and blooming.

 Just.Bloom, 

Keisha "Kiki" Orr

In all matters give thanks.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -