GOT A BAG & FIXED MY TEETH

If only having money was my motivator, as it was for our beloved Cardi B. I would have fixed my tooth a long time ago. It took me 28 years, and some spiritual work. My friends something deep in my spirit tells me that it wasn't just about the money for Cardi either.

When I was 17 or 18 years old I had to get a root canal. They placed a temporary crown over the tooth and that was good enough for me, until it wasn’t; it broke and the tooth couldn’t be saved.

Over the past 28 years I just lived with the empty space in my mouth, and when I say live with I mean I compensated for its absence. Here I was a Human Resources professional supporting staff with choosing the best insurance for themselves, interviewing people, and often presenting in front of large groups and while it bothered me, I didn’t see fit to take care of it. I had great insurance at various time in my career it wouldn’t however cover the cost. There were many moments when I had the ability to pay and I didn’t. In fact, I’d put many things and people ahead of it, it just didn’t seem that important. And yet, on a daily basis I was positioning myself so it wouldn’t be noticeable. That meant sitting on the opposite side of a date, tilting my head while taking pictures, or avoiding speaking in videos thinking people would be more focused on what was missing.

I finally decided to do something about it and once I made the decision to get the implant I was sure to keep all my appoints leading up to this eventful day. 

When the day came and the  dentist placed the implant in my mouth and I saw myself and cried.  It hit me how much I really wanted that void to be filled. Initially, I was taken aback by my reaction and explored what had me so emotional. It was because while it wasn’t medically necessary it was something I wanted to do for myself. I also had this belief that the only way to justify doing it guilt free, which means doing something that could potentially be costly for myself it would need to be dire.

When I inquired with my current dentist and was informed that the implant would be covered with a $200 fee, which is nowhere near the thousands I would have paid before. Again, it really wasn't about the money more about I deemed to be important. The irony is that whether it cost a couple of hundred or thousand I was prepared to pay because I had began to realize that I can have something simply because I want to and I get feel good about myself without apology or justification. How is it so many woman can have a hard time investing in themselves, putting our family, work and sometimes friends wants, needs, and desires ahead of our own? What's the intrinsic belief that we hold about ourselves?

I don’t know what that’s about...well, I have some idea. However, I’m grateful for deciding to put the oxygen mask on myself first and taking care of what was a long time want.  Now, I no longer claim the right side as the best side.

Some of us come to things early, some come to it late, and I’m grateful that it came while I’m still awake [living].

Just.Bloom, 

Keisha "Kiki" Orr


In all matters give thanks

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